I’ve been bartending for a decade and have came across hundreds of thousands of drinkers, some that have made my night and some that have made me want to retire.  Sometimes it’s not even the money that makes my evening but just a great crowd that knows how to conduct themselves graciously and as gracefully as my services allow them to.  On the other hand, my fellow bartenders and I all share the same grievances of the jerks that relentlessly show up on weekend nights not knowing how to behave in a bar or in much of any social setting for that matter.  If you catch your bartender rolling her eyes when you order a purple hooter or have trouble getting a bartenders attention you may need to read these tips to help you freshen up your bar etiquette.  A few simple things to do and not to do when it comes to interacting with bartenders…

DO

1. Tip: It’s absolutely the most important way to be in a Bartenders’ good graces.  Here in the U.S., we tip.  Bartenders live off tips, some making as little as two bucks an hour.  If you don’t want to tip, stay home, open your own beers, mix your own drinks and clean up after yourself. When you go out, tip at least a dollar a drink, two will make you memorable and any more than that, you’ll be on the Bartenders great side. You should always tip at least two dollars for more complicated drinks such as martinis, margaritas or Bloody Mary’s.  Show some love and you’ll definitely get some in return.

2. Know what you want: If you make eye contact with the bartender and order promptly, you’re helping them out a ton.  There’s nothing worse than some guy urgently flagging down a bartender and then turning his head to ask his friends what the hell they’re drinking.  And, try and order all together instead of one at a time.  Make it easy by having you and your friends buy rounds and take turns paying.  It will be easier for everyone and each of your friends will get a chance to look like a big shot.

3. Have your money ready: Money talks.  Bartenders see who has money in their hand and know they mean business.  On a busy night customers flashing a credit card or twenty-dollar bill are going to get served long before a girl that hasn’t even begun to sift through her oversized purse to find cash.  And sorry to say, but women are consistently really awful about having their money ready.  C’mon ladies!

4. Tip on buy-backs too: When a bartender likes you and you have been tipping them well they might choose to buy you a round or a drink.  This generous act does necessitate a monetary reciprocation since you got the drink for free. Why not throw them a few bucks to show them some gratitude?  You don’t want them regretting giving you that free drink.

5. Offer to buy them a shot, or better yet tell them a funny story: After hours of listening to other peoples problems, complaints or gripes, a good laugh or a stiff drink can rejuvenate your bartender and create a bond between you and them.  Your bartender will definitely be hanging out in your area of the bar if you and your gang are fun to be around, which means quick and generous cocktails.

DON’T

1. Order your drink “strong:” Those are fighting words.  There are singles and there are doubles.  You want a strong drink, skip the mixer and order a straight up whiskey.  It is not cute or funny to act like a big man and order a strong vodka cranberry.  If you want a lot of vodka order a god damn double.

2.  Start a confusing money pile: Place your tips on the side of the bar closest to the bartender and the money you wish to keep closer to you, or better yet in your pocket.  A pile of money somewhere between the two of you leads to confusion. You will never know how to properly tip from your soggy pile after multiple drinks and your bartender will see this coming a mile away.  There will be no buybacks for you.

3. Ask if another bartender is working: It is not always easy for bartenders to stay upbeat, pleasant and act generally interested in how your day was or what you’re drinking so when they muster up the energy to greet you and your retort is asking them if someone else is working it’s somewhat of a slap in the face.  It is going to come across as one of three things:  name dropping, general disappointment in the presence of the current bartender or incapability of being able to open your eyes, scan the bar and realize that “Jackie” is not there.  If you know someone that works at the bar you’re at, wait at least a few lines in before you point it out.

4. Ask them, “What else do you do?” Yes, many bartenders aspire to achieve other things.  Music, theatre, school etc. but it is somewhat degrading to assume that their job is just a measly stepping stone to a career more desirable.  No one asks the finance guy what else he does even though his job might be considerably bland and dull.  Many bartenders make quite good livings.  While some office workers are fighting to stay awake in their cubicle, the“inferior” bartender is fast asleep with piles of untaxed cash carefully tucked under their mattress.  How ‘bout that?

5.Order drinks with really stupid names that even you don’t know how to make: If you sound stupid saying it, chances are it is probably a really stupid drink. Pink panties, wet pussy, Skittles shots. You won’t just sound like an asshole ordering it but you’ll also be wasting everyone’s time if you don’t even know what ingredients it contains.  If you want a sweet shot or drink ask the bartender to be creative and suggest a few ingredients.  Vodka, pineapple juice, etc.

My final tip is to just be cool.  Don’t insult the prices, music or crowd.  Especially in New York City where there are thousands of bars to choose from.  And drink up!  My all time favorite:

1 shot of tequila followed by a splash of cranberry juice chaser.  Simple but effective.  Required tip: $2.

Photo Credit: Flickr/Flickr4jazz